Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless telephone.
Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.
Chuck Norris doesn't get sunburned because the sun wouldn't dare.
Chuck Norris was once stabbed with a knife. The knife bled to death.
911 calls Chuck Norris for emergency.
When Chuck Norris does a push-up, he isn't pushing himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
When Chuck Norris looks at himself in the mirror, there is no reflection. There can only be one Chuck Norris.
Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Chuck Norris will never have a heartattack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't breathe. He holds air hostage.
When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
On the 7th day God rested. Chuck Norris took over.
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago. Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.
Some magicians can walk on water. Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
Chuck Norris runs until the treadmill gets tired.
Chuck Norris never uses a flashlight. He just stares into the darkness until it moves out of the way.
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars. That's why there's no signs of life.
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